Marriage Magic

In a conversation with an associate this week, the topic focused on the stress with their relationship due to the tighter finances, and uncertainty in their business with this economy. It would seem to me that would be a condition rampant throughout our society today. Many, if not most, of our households established their budgets and overheads in a much more fluid economy than we are experiencing today. When you add the stress on the unknown future, it has to have an effect on a lot of relationships. That is why I want to share this message today, hopefully it will benefit someone, and make things better in their home.

There are a handful of books that I have recommended to many couples over the years. There should be a rule that anyone who wants to be married must read these before the wedding. There would be much fewer divorces, and so many more couples who would be enjoying, instead of tolerating each other if they did. If you are experiencing challenges, even if your partner is unwilling to read these or try to change, you can change and in that might help them want to as well.

The books in no particular order:

1. Personality Plus, by Florence Littauer
http://www.alibris.com/booksearch?qwork=5074110&matches=171&wquery=personality+plus&cm_sp=works*listing*title

Hippocrates believed that each of us are born with a dominate personality, and outlined the 4 that he believed each of us fall into. It has been long said that opposites attract, and it truly seems that God has a sense of humor as he puts us with someone who will never see the world in the same way as we. We most often fall in love with someone who has the opposite strengths as our own, but then live with someone who has the opposite weaknesses to drive us crazy. This book can truly change your lives, once you learn to embrace the differences in strengths and weaknesses you can delegate accordingly and laugh at the weaknesses. It can be a miracle to your home.

2. Love is a Decision, by Gary Smalley.
http://www.alibris.com/booksearch?qwork=4056318&matches=234&wquery=love+is+a+decision&cm_sp=works*listing*title

This book is a back to basics in relationships, one of the points is that there are times when you simply have to decide that you are going to love each other. As long as you both don't throw the towel in the same day, you are able to put things back together.

3. The Five Love Languages, Gary Chapman.
http://www.alibris.com/booksearch?qwork=2352752&matches=216&wquery=the+five+love+languages&cm_sp=works*listing*title

This book is truly a paradigm breaker. In my own marriage we had a long standing argument that was one we simply couldn't find common ground. One night, it hit us, what we thought was the focus of our debate, really wasn't, it was a love languages thing, and it allowed us to end this years long issue in one night. Each of us have ways we receive love and try to give in the way we receive, however, most of the time our partner has totally different ways. This book will open your eyes to how to show appreciation and love in ways you may never have dreamed of that will revolutionize your relationships.

4. Men are From Mars, Women are From Venus, John Gray.
http://www.alibris.com/booksearch?qwork=7855774&matches=1702&wquery=men+are+from+mars+women+are+from+venus&cm_sp=works*listing*title

This popular book opens our eyes to how men and women are wired. Too often we try to communicate with our spouse through our own understanding and actually make matters worse for our partner. For instance when a woman is stressed her best way to deal with it is to talk about it, what she doesn't want is a resolution, just to be listened to. That makes no sense to us guys who would never share our stress with anyone unless we want an answer. This is a trap we usually screw up. This book will help understand our differences, maybe understand is too strong of a word, maybe accept would be better.

5. His Needs Her Needs, by William Harely.
http://www.alibris.com/booksearch?qwork=2911975&matches=141&wquery=his+needs+her+needs&cm_sp=works*listing*title

This book is about the differences of what we each want from a relationship. How to keep the fire burning and to keep the temptation of others away. Maybe our politicians should read this.


There is a book that I recommend for men only. This book is very harsh and in your face. If you can get through the preface and survive you are already proving your manhood. The author's premise is that there are very few men, mostly just grown boys.

6. The Man of Steel and Velvet, by Aubrey Andelin
http://www.alibris.com/booksearch?qwork=4138102&matches=42&wquery=the+man+of+steel+and+velvet&cm_sp=works*listing*title

This is a book for men only, when I have worked with couples if I have a wimpy guy I have them read from the beginning, but if I have a chauvinist I have them start with chapter 11 and come back and read the front. Too many relationships have fallen on hard times because men want to be the master of the house, but abdicate their responsibilities to their spouse. Then compound that problem by giving their wives the responsibility without the authority, a formula for disaster. No woman can love a man she doesn't respect, at least not for long.

One more awesome addition to anyone's library is a CD from Bob and Liz McKewen on marriage relationships called "Love, Respect, and the M.1 Tank." This is the single best talk on the subject I have ever heard. It will give you insights that most people will live their entire lives and never know or understand, but will take your relationship to a level you have maybe only dreamed of.

You can order on this website;
http://www.bobmcewen.com/products.htm

We are not taught how to live happily in relationships, if you will read and learn from the above, you will be the couple everyone will be asking for advice on how to be so happy!